Let’s Fall in Love Again!

Once past their prime, 40-plus couples who have 20 years of antics behind them, may start to give the impression that they have hit the nadir. When the once ‘happily married’ are satisfied with the epithet ‘successfully married’, it is midlife crisis affecting the conjugal marathon.

By Efrit Karim
Couples who has many years of conjugal life behind them, one can’t blame them for settling into not-so-constructive a form. To get married early, and to keep alive the spark between the two, are two different ballgames. Perhaps, almost all enduring marriages reach a stage when things begin to look down, or dreary, for that matter. When bliss turns to anxiety and domestic disquiet overshadows love and empathy. It is a progressive dip into an unknown depth. It makes you pick up fights when you do not see much ground for them, and, most importantly, makes you avoid intercourse. It is the phase that begin after your conjugal colander has reached, say, 20 or so years, and you have begun to feel togetherness in ways other than the way you first began — when love was never in short supply and things progressed with jest and jouissance.
Once beyond the age of 40, you may feel as if you two are far apart even when you’re occupying the bedroom together. The former epicenter of warmth turns into a place for lounge around. This scenario is representative of “gray divorce,” a notion made extensive by scientists during a training at Bowling Green State University.
Losing the “touch” over the years is one thing, but some early hitches catching up on the couples at a later date is also something that we need to pay attention to. “A lot of conjugal problems may have been haunting the couples in the duration of their marriage, but they may not have had the time or energy to deal with them earlier,” says Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert. He hastens to add, “As we age, we go through so much, often much more than when we were younger. By the time you’re married 25-35 years, you have very entrenched patterns, plus you may have new problems, such as health issues or drug or alcohol abuse.”
The issue of communication is usually the inescapable moan any unhappy duo might share. The couple grows distant and stop doing anything together — this is classic example of a total communication breakdown.
“One chief basis of conflict is when they have diverse visions for what they need their life to be,” says Sussman, and “they don’t understand how to resolve it.”
Remember, once all his/her flaws were cute but now, awful. Then it’s time to accept those flaws again. When you are in love with someone, you must love his good sides as well as his flaws. No person is without flaws. As fast as we admit this fact our life will be a bit more stable and free of unnecessary warfare.
To maintain any long-term relations, we must follow few mantras of Grandma’s time.
1. Compromise
Relationships are not only about taking, but also about giving. If you find yourself not giving much or feeling resentful of how much you give and how little you receive back, you may be in an unequal relationship where one side is taking more than he/she is giving.
2. Communicate
Relationships live and die not by the sword, but by the sum of discussion. If a couple can’t find a path to openly and honestly communicate their needs and feelings to one another, the relationship doesn’t stand much of a chance long-term. Couples must find a way to communicate regularly, openly, and directly.
3. Put your partner before your kids
When kids come along, it’s easy to get sucked up in the “middle aged blur,” or the part of your life when career and kids can command all of your attention. Don’t wake up at 50 asking, “Where did my life go?” Carve out time for your partner now. Happy couples know that maintaining an intimate relationship benefits you, your relationship and your kids.
4. Be willing to change
As time goes on, situations swings. Positive couples are keen to adapt when hindrances, both minor and huge, come their way.
5.Take care of yourself
Concentrating on your spouse doesn’t mean abandoning your own needs. Individuals in long-married,duos tended to stay fit and well-groomed, distinguishing the importance of wellbeing for both themselves and their relationship.
6.Treat marriage as a long-term commitment
This might seem like a no-brainer, but those who remained together were devoted to the idea that a marriage must last. That means pairs would persevere, even if they had to go overages of relationship hardship. But they’ll agree—sticking through it was a smart choice.
All marriages maneuver through rough patches. Some don’t survive long enough to come out the other side unscathed. But many do. All you need is the faith to grab your better-half with full love and support with an idea of never leaving the hands.