LONG DISTANCE LOVERS

By Lilunnaher Chandni
Love is magical. But those who are touched by its invisible wand will vouch for the fact that it also involves an awful lot of effort. And if you are trying to work things out with someone who doesn’t live in the same city or the same country, for that matter, then one is faced with some ordeals specific to the couples.
Geographical distance places the love birds in a unique situation. They are constantly troubled by the thought of when the chance would come to hold their hands or see each other face to face? Sounds familiar? Yes, we are talking about long distance relationships.
“Patience is the key. The distance between you and your lover may seem like mountain at times. But the happy fact is it’s nothing impossible to scale because time passes by so quickly. So in the end it is a question of time,” says Esrak whose partner recently went abroad for studies.
“She gives me her utmost attention and through Skype or Viber or phone calls, we are in touch. I could never be insecure about her; and she too feels the same way,” adds Esrak.
Farhin, a working parent who is an artist, also looks at it with a rational eye: “My job, our children and my passion for painting sum up my day, and I have gotten used to it. I haven’t met him for two years. I want him to come back and wish to see him every day rather than once in a couple of years. But he has to stay there to ensure a better future for all of us.”
Stories like these make one aware of the struggle of couples who are forced to accept the distance between them. But if there is a will, there is a way to keep the “spark” alight. So there are some tips to remember when you are committing to someone who are in a faraway land. Like, ensuring daily communication. Sharing details of one’s routine is what keeps a relationship strong and thriving. Keeping each other informed about the finest details of the general situation one feels closer to another.
Routine communication is an elixir for all healthy relationships. Alongside this much-needed habit, some additional antics might help one restore the wear and tear of being apart for long.
Sometimes you need to spice up your love with surprises. It matters even more when one is in a relationship with someone living in a different city, state or country. If you are feeling insecure, be up front. Couples in a long distance relationships know they are taking risks and also know they are making sacrifices to be together at last. But if both remain buoyant while they are apart, these sacrifices won’t make either of you resentful. And please don’t forget to send gifts.
Dr. Debra Campbell, a therapist who contributes articles on relationship in international webzines, feels that it is important to Know your vulnerabilities. If one is feeling rejected or abandoned as do some people with an exceptional “emotional history”, then, Campbell says, “You may be the type of person who takes temporary separations extra hard and feels insecure and more distressed than you feel you should.” This can also be confusing to a partner who doesn’t share the same emotional background, she continues. To spend time apart, can thus become entangled with resentment. “So it’s important to discuss, acknowledge and be nonjudgmental with each others’ vulnerabilities to help each other cope better,” she concludes.
There is another side to it: “When a couple is physically separated, daily life can be sheltered from the demands of the relationship,” writes Roni Beth in Psychology Today. This can be an opportunity to skirt around the trivialities that sometimes rock a relationship. But new expectations can introduce new constraints, such as a phone or Skype check-in at an agreed-upon time, and flexibility may be harder to negotiate, Beth points out.
All things considered, distance actually means so little when someone means so much to you that you would be forever ready to sacrifice a little for the big “reunion” that awaits you. A long distance love will work if you keep the fire alive — the sense of “longing”, once cultivated, lends your relationship an extra dimension. So, warriors, to make your love work take time, do thrive by building on mutual trust, and be non-judgmental and have a lot of patience — love never withers when the two souls remain “One” even in separation.